Beyond
by ilsesjournal
Summary: The night sky has kept all of their secrets safe. / Takes place in the future when humanity has withdrawn behind Wall Sina.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: **The night sky has kept all of their secrets safe. / Takes place in the future when humanity has withdrawn behind Wall Sina.

The moon is far above her head when she wakes up and sneaks out.

—

Mikasa Ackerman's footsteps are as loud as a titan's as she runs through the night. It's the only time she has to meet him, the only time when she can let her guard down and be herself.

Her eyes dart back and forth as she reaches the end of an alleyway and she draws her hood tighter over her face. _If anyone sees me.._

Her dark eyes spot no one and she decides the make a break for it. Her legs pump her all the way to Wall Sina, the only barrier separating her from the lands now claimed by titans.

She easily scales a tree and from there her gear latches on to the top of Wall Sina. She pulls herself up and stands, a tall beacon on the top of the wall. For a moment, she lets herself imagine - _this must be what loneliness feels like, true loneliness, the loneliness of a girl up against giants._

The thought disappears as she hears footsteps, footsteps that sound purposely heavy on the gray pavement. She whirls on her heel, assuming a defensive position, and drops it as soon as she sees him.

_Levi._

"You're late," he says as their eyes meet. "I almost thought you weren't coming."

Mikasa shakes her head. It's been a while since she's seen him alone, so long that she can't even remember. _Or maybe her mind's just falling apart._

Levi walks closer and takes her hand in his. "Let's sit, shall we?" They walk a little farther from the edge and sit facing towards the outside of Wall Sina. It's a wild land out there, a wild land filled with titans and too many memories that haunt Mikasa both in the day and at night.

The Lance Corporal watches her, studying her face as though it's the most interesting thing he's ever seen. He takes a deep breath and says, "I.. I never see you anymore. Why? I wait here.." His voice cracks a little. ".. nearly every night for you."

Mikasa stares at the land past Sina, feeling lost in its vastness. "Sorry," she says, her voice holding no emotion.

Levi blinks. He knows she hasn't been the same since — _he can't. _His heart breaks when he thinks about it, the girl he loves marching through it all like a wind-up toy. He feels the urge to hold her, but he knows she wouldn't allow it — at least, not now.

"I don't like it here," she says, so quietly that it barely reaches his ears. "It's crowded." She's talking about living behind Wall Sina, the final barrier, the last wall that protects their delicate lives from the titans. Not only that, but she's talking about the food rationing, the bitter loneliness of being surrounded by unknown people, the feeling off being cut off from those she loves the most.

Levi knows this, these are the bitter truths he finds in her eyes and hears her whisper when she passes him in a crowded hallway. There's so much he could say, yet the only words that seem to fit are: "I know." And when he says them, her eyelids close slowly. There's a moment's pause, and he says: "I have a gift for you."

Her eyelids spring open. "What? Why? You shouldn't…" But her eyes hold a small amount of glee and the corner of her lips turn up, if only for a moment.

Out of his cloak, Levi pulls something strange — something wrapped up in pure white napkins. The smell of it makes his mouth water, though he knows she needs it more than he does. He hands it to his lover and she takes it, slowly unwrapping it. Her eyes widen in shock when she sees it; it is a warm loaf of bread. "What? Why.." She breaths. Food rations are scarce and she has gone to bed hungry too many times since moving behind Sina.

"For you. I know you're hungry a lot.." He says, a thin smile on his face. And when Mikasa looks at him again, that's when she sees it.

There are bags under his eyes; his face is pale and his voice lacks its usual strong tone. Her heart breaks for him, and she holds the bread out. "I can't accept this."

He pushes it away, back towards her. "I want you to have it, Mikasa."

Her eyes water at his kind gesture, and it's been so long since he's said her name like that, far too long. She breaks the loaf in half, the warmth soaking into her hands. "At least take half." She holds a piece out to him. "Please," she adds, worry showing in her eyes. Levi takes it, nodding his thanks. For a few moments, they are silent, chewing their much needed food. Mikasa feels almost happy for the first time in months.

Levi's eyes dart to the side, watching as the sky begins to lighten. He's running out of time. "Mikasa," he says, his voice sudden in the calm night, "What if.. we left?" Her head tilts in confusion, and he continues. "If we went.. beyond the walls? We could survive. You know we could."

She glances to the side, her heart nearly stopping, "No.."

"But we could," he presses further. "you know we could survive, just you and I."

She shakes her head. "No, I don't think we could. What about food? Shelter? _Titans?_" Mikasa blinks for a long moment.

"We can sneak extras from our rations to keep us going for a while. They say that beyond Maria is a village.." He pauses. "We could go there, you know."

But Mikasa shakes her head once again. "I can't," she says. She knows she can't leave Armin, the only other surviving member of the 104th training squad, yet he isn't even counted because of his terrible hallucinations from _the incident. _But Mikasa wouldn't dare say that out loud, wouldn't dare admit that something is wrong with her childhood friend. "If we go, our deaths are guaranteed."

Levi sighs. "If we stay here, our deaths are guaranteed. At least, if we try to run, we have a chance. A small chance, but it still counts. And.." he takes a breath. "Our last moments can be lived in happiness by each other's sides instead of crowded in a castle, waiting for the end."

"There's a chance here," Mikasa begins, but Levi cuts her off, his voice angry.

"No there's not, and _you know it._ We're doomed here; if you and I don't run, then this will be the place where we die." His words hold a stunning finality, as though these are the last words he'll ever say.

Mikasa's heart breaks as her mind registers what he said. _He's right. _Yet some part of her had hoped —

She had to stay; she'd promised herself that she'd kill the titans. Promised herself that she'd do it for Armin, Sasha, and for Eren, because they could not. She'd believed that when the titans were finally eradicated, Armin's hallucinations would clear and he'd rise like the sun and she'd find him sitting under a tree, reading a book, just like old times. She'd believed that Sasha would come back, and she imagined her old friend yelling at her to wake up, otherwise Corporal Levi would yell at them (yet he'd never yell at Mikasa, oh no, but Sasha had never seen their shared glances and smiles).

But most of all, she lived on one scenario: the one person she had let down would come back to her. _Eren._

She had pictured it perfect: Eren, whose dream it was to eradicate the titans, would return to her side. _He wasn't really dead - oh, no, definitely not. Mikasa hadn't failed him, she hadn't failed any of them. _Eren was just sleeping — he'd wake up when all the danger was gone. He'd claw his way out of the earth, out of his "grave," and then he and Mikasa could be together again. _And everything would be just as it should_.

_But if I leave.. none of this will ever happen._

_But none of this will happen anyway. It's all fake.. _Her mind whirls and her world takes a cruel turn as she realizes.. _It's impossible. They're gone._

"Mikasa," Levi's voice calls through her thoughts. "I'm sorry. I.. I didn't mean.." His eyes are sad and sympathetic; he knows what he's done to her, the false hope he shattered. He reaches out and touches her face gently, wiping away a stray tear.

She shakes her head slowly and, suddenly feeling very broken and alone, holds out her arms. "Levi," she murmurs, voice soft like the sounds of gently played piano keys, "Levi.."

He moves closer and takes her into his arms. She clutches him like he's the whole world — and he is, to her at least, because he's all she has left.

They hadn't noticed, but the sun is nearly up by now, exposing their forms at the top of Wall Sina.

It is another day.

—

_Written October 21 & 22, 2013._


	2. Chapter 2: Finale

Chapter 2: Beyond

_Notes: Originally, this was two chapters; however, they were too short on their own._

**Summary:** And so, they said goodbye to everything they once knew.

She fell asleep on the wall.

—  
As soon as the faintest hints of light show in the dark sky, she's up. She's awake and ready, fully in uniform, ready for action.

But not today.

There's bags under Mikasa Ackerman's eyes and she drags her limbs around like dead weight.  
_I'm late. I'm late._

The sun is high in the sky by now and rollcall was probably a long time ago — minutes? Hours? Her tired mind can't think that far. The only thing replaying in her brain is the feel of concrete below her and strong arms around her.

"Late, Ackerman."

He hisses her name, not with dislike, but almost a kind of distrust. Mikasa's head snaps up and her eyes meet the gaze of Commander Irwin.

"Commander, I—"

He shakes his head and blinks, moves that seem mechanical. "I don't want excuses, Mikasa." He steps back for a moment, studying her. "You seem.. Disheveled."

She couldn't disagree with him — she hadn't changed out of her uniform, and her hair is an unbrushed mess.

"Perhaps a conference is in order? And more cleaning duty. We can't afford to have our best soldier slacking off." Irwin states, voice bland.

_Just what I needed_, she thinks.

Irwin bursts into the office like a titan through a house. His face is serious, an expression of deep worry written in his features. "Good morning Corporal, we have some business to discuss—"

"Now?" Levi mutters irritably, blinking to focus his eyes. He glances up, only to see the tall commander walk in, followed by a dark haired teenage girl. _Oh. Mikasa_.

"There is no better time," the Commander states sternly.

Lance Corporal Levi clicks his tongue. "Then state your situation."

"Mikasa Ackerman.." Irwin said, gesturing towards the girl, "seems to be tired.. As though she was awake all night." The gazes of Mikasa and Levi met as Irwin continued, "and I'm wondering if she's slacking off and needs to be put back on the right path. So.." He draws a breath, "I'm suggesting more cleaning duty, and maybe more training."

Levi sighs irritably. "Maybe instead of assuming things, you could cut her some slack. She's had a rough past couple of months—"

"We all have," Irwin replies evenly. "There's no excuse."

"I'm not doing this to her," Levi hisses back. "I just feel—"

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say that something is going on between the two of you."

Levi shuts his mouth and gulps, drawing in air through his nose. _Deep breaths. Calm.._ When he blinks and his tired eyes refocus, he's careful not to meet Mikasa's gaze; he meets Irwin's eyes instead. "I just think what you're suggesting is a little harsh, that's all." Before Irwin can reply, he speaks again. "That's my final word on the matter. If you feel the need to take this matter into your own hands, then go ahead. But keep in mind that you will lose my respect."

The tension in the room was almost too much bear. Levi and Irwin had been at odds for the past few months over various subjects involving strategy and how to take back Wall Rose; the trust that had previously existed between them was nearly gone.

Irwin and Levi's eyes met for a final time before Irwin spins on his heel and stalks out of the office, door slamming behind him. Mikasa blinks, startled by the noise. Her eyes wander across the room and settle on Levi.

The Lance Corporal does not look at her; his head tilts as he looks back at the paperwork on his desk. Mikasa watches him for a long moment before crossing the room, walking over to his desk.

"Levi," she says, and his head snaps up to look her in the face.

He sighs deeply. "What? I thought you left." She shakes her head at him, black hair swishing as he speaks. "Oh. Well, you should probably get some rest.."

She shrugs and he adds, "Have you thought about running?"

Peeking up at him through dark eyelashes, she says one word, the word he wants to hear.

"Yes."

With every step she takes, she is closer to getting away.

Starting today, Mikasa Ackerman has been counting down the last things she'll do behind Wall Sina, her last activities before she runs into the dark with Corporal Levi.

She starts with simple things: last time she'll she the stars, last training session, last time cleaning the stables. But those are easy activities: the hard part lies in saying her goodbyes.

Her footsteps are light as she walks into the infirmary, a place she never took a liking to.

As Mikasa's gaze meets that of the nurse, she says the name of the boy she wants to see: "Armin Arlelt."

The nurse nods and leads the teen to a cot that lies behind a curtain; she pulls the curtain back to reveal the thin body of a pale teenage boy.

Mikasa is quiet until the nurse walks away. "Armin," she says quietly, careful not to disturb the other patients.

His eyelids spring open, revealing deep blue orbs.

"Mi…" His eyes are unfocused. "Mikasa?" His breathing seems rigid, uneven breaths. He holds out a hand, which she takes.

"It's me," she says, and he lets out a quiet sob. For a little while, the two are silent, tears streaming down Armin's cheeks, until the boy's voice breaks it.

"I thought you were gone," he says, voice low. "I missed you.."

Mikasa is suddenly reminded that she hasn't visited him in a while, and her heart shatters as guilt seeps through her. She simply shakes her head.

Armin takes a deep breath and speaks again. "Can.. can you come and visit me more from now on?" _He's fragile, oh so fragile._ Mikasa is nowhere near ready to let him down..

"I can't," she says, and he chokes on air.

"Why?"

"I just can't." There's no way she can tell him that she's running, no way she leave him with that burden. She drops his hand suddenly, and stands up.

Armin looks at her, the look in his eyes one of sadness and disbelief. "Why?" He asks again, desperate for an answer, desperate to know why the last person who had faith in him is deserting him. His only answer is the shake of a head, and he lets out a sob. "Mikasa," he cries, voice terrible. "Don't go.."

"I am sorry," she says, holding back emotion. "Forgive me." She takes a few steps away before turning around and saying one thing:

"Goodbye, Armin."

Only when she's out of earshot from Armin does she begin to cry with all her might.

The ground is dirty beneath her feet as she follows the path to the memorial.

She stops at one of the headstones and kneels before it, tears streaming down her face.

The headstone reads: "Eren Jaeger."

She reaches a hand out, touching the edge of it. "Eren," she cries quietly. "Eren, I'm leaving." For some reason, she can't say the words that she feels he deserves: _"Why were you so reckless? I miss you. Armin misses you. We need you. Come back to us.."_

Instead, she cries for a long while, wishing that it had been Eren who lived. When the sun begins to rise, she knows it's time to go back. (She and Levi and traveling at night, so she needs to get her sleep during the day.)

"I love you," she says quietly to the ground next to the headstone. "Thanks for being a good brother to me."

She stands, tall as a tree, and leaves.

It is midnight, and she stands atop Wall Sina.

"Ready?"

His voice is the only noise that breaks the night's silence, and she turns to face him as he walks towards her. "Yes, of course," She says, feeling no hesitation.

Levi nods. "Good." For a moment, his face changes into an expression she's never seen. "Your friend.. Ah.."

"Armin?" She asks.

He nods. "Armin is.." She knows what he's going to say before he says it, and stares at the ground, waiting for the impact. "Armin is dead," he tells her.

Mikasa looks at Levi, pain etched onto her face. _I.. why? _But she can't bring herself to ask _how _or even _why._

Levi holds out a piece of paper, arm shaking. "He wrote this for you, but we don't have time to read it now." She takes the paper and nods, stuffing the letter into her boot.

"Let's go," the Corporal says, eyes gleaming. He takes a running start off the wall and disappears into the darkness beyond, his gear carrying him. Their journey, their escape, has just begun.

Before she runs, though, she turns and looks behind her at the city behind Sina. She feels no sadness in leaving anymore, just a small hope that she and Levi will survive together.

"Goodbye," she says, her final words before she's far away.

She turns back around and, after a running start, lets her gear carry her, following Levi.

She is beyond the wall.

Finished on November 2nd, 2013.


End file.
